i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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