as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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