This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
