I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
