we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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