I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it because I queefed?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
