I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Girls should come with a carfax report
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
