There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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