i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
