She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
