I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
