I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
