i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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