Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
