its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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