just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
