Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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