she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
