Got a toothbrush?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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