And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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