you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
