help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
