she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
God, I missed his penis.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
