I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
