I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
