Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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