She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
