Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
