we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
