Me too!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize