White coat. Heels.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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