I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
