Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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