Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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