He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
