i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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