The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize