He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
