Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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