They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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