There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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