I heard we made out
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
