Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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