i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
