sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
