Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize