We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
