Yo dont text me then not text me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
