How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
