Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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