You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
