Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
