I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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