can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
