She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
