everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
