What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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