About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
