why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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