I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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