I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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