a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
