I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
