You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
