i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
