Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
