We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
