drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
