My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
