I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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