I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
