Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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