you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
