I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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