my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
